EHW Ch76

In the middle of the night, on a certain medium-sized community forum, a new post quietly appeared, tagged with [new] after its title.

[Chat & Random] My best friend just recommended me a real historical emperor–minister CP, but I don’t know where to start. Can someone please help this poor child out?

1L: Passing by to bump the thread.

2L: Which pair?

3L: You’ve basically named them already. I’ll just blind guess, it’s that guy and that other guy, right?

Original Poster (OP): It’s Emperor Qi Zhao and Prime Minister Gu! Can anyone guide me where to start digging into their story?

4L: LOL what’s up with today, I just sent a newbie guide to my friend, and now someone’s asking here too. Wait, let me copy-paste it.

5L: Can’t be helped. Our CP is top-tier after all.

10L: Okay I’m here. To start, I recommend reading “The Secrets Behind the Great Qi’s Prosperity: Starting from Emperor Qi Zhao,” “Empress? Prime Minister? The Man Beside Emperor Qi Zhao: Gu Fangzhi,” and “How Romantic Was Love Thousands of Years Ago, A Brief Study of Emperor Qi Zhao and Prime Minister Gu’s Love Story.”

11L: Once you finish those and get a basic idea, you should tackle Records of Qi, Biography of Gu Fangzhi, and Biography of Pei Xin, all published by XXX Press.

12L: Also…

OP: O_O omg that’s so much…

15L: hhhhh 4L you’re evil, you’ll scare the newbie away!!

20L: Nah just go read Drunk on the Emperor’s Bed. That’s our 300k-word fandom bible. No one can finish that and not ship them!!

22L: It’s deleted from the site now though. I still have it. Leave your email and I’ll send it later.

23L: xxx@□□.com, thank you kind stranger! May you prosper forever!
OP: Here, me too!

40L: Personally I didn’t love that one. No offense, but Pei Xin’s written as way too cold-blooded and unfeeling. No humanity.

42L: So what? That’s exactly what makes it hot.

46L: I mean, yes it’s intense, but according to most records, Pei Xin’s temperament was… quite unstable. He doesn’t really fit that calm CEO archetype.

48L: +1, I actually like Emperor Qi Zhao’s real historical personality better. Especially when he was young, records say he’d randomly fly into rages, then later mellowed out with age. It’s chaotic and hilarious.

50L: Wrong. Emperor Qi Zhao was always calm and rational. When handling state affairs, he was clear-headed and insightful, capable of quick decisions and seeing through lies. He never let emotions sway him. A truly exemplary emperor.

52L: Uh… 50L your tone feels kinda different from everyone else’s. Where’d this hardcore stan come from? We’re not hating on Pei Xin or anything, we’re just chatting.

54L: LOL Emperor Qi Zhao logging in on his main account.

56L: I am not Emperor Qi Zhao. Emperor Qi Zhao does not have mood swings.

59L: Anyway I actually like his later personality, super chill and zen. His conversations with ministers were hilarious, especially with,

62L: Let’s open another thread for that, feels off-topic here.

OP: No, !! Don’t leave me hanging mid-gossip!! That’s immoral!!

OP: Please don’t go, I love this! Tell me more!

66L: LOL no one can resist gossip.

70L: Here’s a “little-known fact” everyone knows: Prime Minister Gu was actually made Empress, with a full wedding ceremony. It was official, the whole empire knew.

71L: Yep, fully legitimate and state-sanctioned. Even if many opposed it at first, there was nothing they could do.

OP: Why couldn’t they do anything? In dramas, when people dislike the empress, they submit memorials advising the emperor not to favor them too much.

72L–74L: Hahahahahahahahaha

OP: ? Huh? Why’s everyone suddenly laughing??

78L: Sweet OP, have you never heard the classic quote?

OP: ?_? What quote?

80L: “Anyone who urges me to take a wife, I’ll just marry your entire family.”

OP: Oh that line! Isn’t that just a meme for rejecting marriage pressure? I’ve even used it on a distant uncle once, his face went green lol. Works great (thumbs up).

81L: Yeah, well, that line originated from Emperor Qi Zhao himself!

OP: Huh?? For real??

88L: Dead serious hhhh. Even though Prime Minister Gu was a man, old traditions still demanded that the royal family produce heirs. Early on, many courtiers urged Emperor Qi Zhao to at least take a few concubines, didn’t even have to be noble ladies, just someone to bear a son.

89L: And then Emperor Qi Zhao said, “Whoever brings it up again will join the harem personally.”

90L: He was only eighteen or nineteen then, a battle-hardened youth with a terrifying aura. When he said that, the room full of 60–80-year-old officials all shut up instantly.

94L: I laugh every time I hear this story. What was he thinking? That’s such a self-destructive yet genius move!

97L: You become like those around you. He was clearly influenced by Gu Fangzhi, learned it from his own spouse!

101L: Actually, Pei Xin had used that trick a few times before; it just never made it into official records. One chronicle even says that after this event, people thought Pei Xin only liked elders over sixty. It wasn’t until years later, seeing how deeply in love he was with Gu, that rumor finally died out.

110L: Emperor Qi Zhao’s mental state was wild, honestly the same vibe as modern college students.

OP: …How could this happen! Emperor Qi Zhao was such a comedian?? I’m dying!

OP: But my friend said Emperor Qi Zhao married Gu at eighteen, so he wasn’t against marriage, just against having kids, right?

112L: Exactly. Our baby emperor fell for Gu at seventeen, firm believer in monogamy and early romance.

114L: He. Loved. Him. So. Much.

116L: When I stayed up all night reading those records, my only thought was: that boy waited a whole year to marry him, saint-level patience.

118L: Time for visuals! [image] [image]

119L–120L: AAAAAHHH every time I see these I scream!!
OP: (clicks) (loading…) (sees image) (freezes) This… this is, ?

129L: Portraits of Prime Minister Gu and Emperor Qi Zhao!

OP: Holy, they’re gorgeous! So handsome??

133L: Face-con fans rejoice.jpg

137L: Did these two just fall in love every morning the moment they opened their eyes and saw how handsome the other was?

OP: I wonder who chased who first. (listening intently.jpg)

141L: Emperor Qi Zhao chased. He super loved him.

142L: Emperor Qi Zhao chased. He super loved him.
…
151L: Emperor Qi Zhao chased. He super loved him.
158L: Emperor Qi Zhao chased. He super loved him.

OP: LOL I’m dying, when you were describing the little emperor earlier I thought he was all cold and unfeeling, turns out he was this proactive?!

163L: Who was it that fell in love at first sight and after one day in court couldn’t bring himself to execute anyone, shouting in public, “Teacher, I can’t”?

166L: Who was it that invited Gu Xiang to stay overnight to “keep watch”? I can’t.

170L: Who was it that got a dog but refused to name it himself and insisted the other do it? I can’t.
175L: Who was it that snuck into Gu’s mansion pretending it was an “undercover inspection”? I can’t.

179L: Who was it that brought someone along to visit his own ancestral tomb? I can’t.

OP: …He super loved him!!

188L: That’s not very objective. Even if it looks one-sided, who can guarantee Gu wasn’t already drawn to Emperor Qi Zhao early on? After all, Qi Zhao was a very charismatic man. Even when they first met, Qi Zhao was only seven, but he still managed to make Gu see him not as a child, but as someone worth admiring.

190L: Oh, it’s our Emperor Qi Zhao super-stan again, you’re still here.

192L: You guys talk like our baby emperor was some kind of musclebound beast.

194L: I know what this is, he’s a gong-gong fan.

195L: Suspected Emperor Qi Zhao alt account defending himself.

198L: I am not Emperor Qi Zhao. Emperor Qi Zhao did not chase without dignity.

200L: But honestly, their personalities complemented each other, one was the scholar, one the warrior. Gu Xiang made the plans; Emperor Qi Zhao cleared every obstacle in the way.

205L: Everyone should know this part. Anyone who took History of the Great Qi classes must’ve been tortured by it.

OP: …

OP: It was hell! How did those two accomplish so much in so few years?! It’s like they had cheat codes!
OP: Agricultural reforms, breeding disease-resistant rice, innovations in metallurgy, invention of firearms, founding schools, implementing compulsory education, appointing female officials, promoting gender equality, ALL test points! Back then, the moment I opened my eyes, I had to memorize them!
211L: Stop reciting, child’s starting to feel pain.

220L: Those two were truly shippable, but also, wow, left no room for anyone else.
OP: Let’s just… skip that painful section quickly…

222L: Anyway, they truly had both love and success. Spent their whole lives together, raised a long-lived dog as their child, and when they got tired, they abdicated, letting Prince Ning’s fostered child take the throne.
227L: And later… the beautiful Gu passed first. Emperor Qi Zhao buried him in the imperial tomb, then laid down beside him, never leaving again.

OP: Ah… QAQ

230L: Sobs, dying together isn’t a tragedy, it’s a HE!

233L: I don’t care, it’s still a sweet story!

240L: Crying, I hate it! It’s sweet, but I never want to read that part; every time I cry in the middle of the night.

“What are you looking at?”

Gu Fangzhi came out of the bathroom, towel-drying his hair. Pei Xin was squinting at the computer screen.

The moment he saw Gu Fangzhi, Pei Xin snapped the laptop shut with a clack.
Pei Xin: “Nothing.”

Gu Fangzhi couldn’t help laughing. “You can watch dramas, it’s not like I’d stop you, why so shy?”

Pei Xin stayed silent.

In the HE endings so far, Gu Fangzhi had completed the story five times. Every single time, it was he who died first.

Even though Pei Xin knew Gu Fangzhi would always return, each time, he still did the same thing,

He lay down inside Gu Fangzhi’s coffin and held him close.

That way, Gu Fangzhi wouldn’t have to go alone.

He had never told Gu Fangzhi about this. Pei Xin didn’t think it was a big deal, but he was too embarrassed to bring it up.

Gu Fangzhi flopped spread-eagle on the bed. “So, when are we going out?”

By now Gu Fangzhi was familiar with the game system. In the last two rounds, after finishing the main story quickly, he’d just spend his days traveling with Pei Xin and their family, living peacefully.

Until a system message appeared,

System: “We’re short on NPCs! Recruiting volunteers for guest appearances in other worlds.”

Gu Fangzhi happily agreed.

The cameos weren’t frequent, but every time it was a new world, fun, refreshing, a new life experience each time.

This time, they were cast in an entertainment-industry game, as top-idol celebrities.

Pei Xin climbed onto the bed, bracing his hands on either side of Gu’s head, biting lightly at his lower lip.

Pei Xin: “One more round. Call for teacher when time’s up.”

Gu Fangzhi kissed him back lazily, already drowsy. “Let’s just sleep a bit first.”

As Gu’s consciousness drifted, he felt Pei Xin lying down beside him.

Right before sleep took him, a flat, emotionless female voice echoed in his head,

“Alright. You said you wanted to know ‘how to tell netizens you didn’t shamelessly chase someone but were mutually in love, and how to improve your online-argument skills.’ Here are the top search results, ”

Gu Fangzhi’s eyes flew open. Pei Xin was beside him, his expression aged, eyes filled with despair and faint hope.

Gu Fangzhi held back as long as he could, then burst out laughing.

Pei Xin: “…………”

Peace reigned in the land. His beloved understood him completely.

Their days stretched on, long and full. He was happy, sometimes even a little aggrieved.

《I, The Emperor, Am Wronged!!!!!!!!!!!》 , The End