EHW Ch36

In the carriage returning to the palace, Pei Xin rested his chin on his hand, staring blankly ahead.

Across from him, a snow-white, beautiful little dog was gnawing furiously at a chessboard.

Pei Xin: “……”

He still thought he must’ve gone mad, why on earth had he suddenly opened his mouth and decided to bring this dog back?

But the dog did look a bit like Gu Fangzhi. Even its fur carried the same faintly curled wave.
Both were beautiful, that much he could admit, and their temperament… well, let’s just leave it at that.

Pei Xin glanced outside. They had already returned to the Imperial City. The carriage would soon reach the palace, but if they turned right, they’d be heading toward the Ministry of Rites.

Pei Xin suddenly felt an urge to see what Gu Fangzhi was doing. The man had been strangely quiet today, and the change was making him… uncomfortable.

…Wait, no. Gu Fangzhi not bothering him should’ve been a blessing.

So why did it feel unsettling?

Pei Xin pressed his fingers to his temple, then pulled a piece of dried meat from the oiled-paper packet on the table and tossed it to the dog.

The dog caught it, chewed twice, and swallowed. Finding the jerky delicious, its eyes gleamed, and it whined twice toward Pei Xin, begging for more.

Pei Xin didn’t give any. He folded the packet shut.

The little dog, anxious, jumped down from the seat and scrambled to Pei Xin’s side, scratching furiously at his dragon robe with its tiny paws.

Pei Xin, frowning, grabbed it by the scruff of the neck with clear distaste and dumped it back onto the opposite seat.

In a low voice, he said, “That’s all.”

The dog froze, whined a few more times, then, realizing Pei Xin truly wasn’t giving more, suddenly went mad, tearing into the seat cushion.

Its sharp teeth ripped through the fabric instantly. Cotton and thread exploded through the carriage like snow.

Pei Xin: “……”

Like it was snowing.

For some reason, Gu Fangzhi suddenly cast a spell of witchcraft, time rewound to the very instant the little dog began ripping the cushion.

With a dull bang, the carriage was once again filled with fluttering white.

Pei Xin’s vision darkened.

The little dog shredded the cushion again.

How lucky, such a scene of madness, and he got to witness it three times.

Expression blank, Pei Xin lifted the carriage curtain and ordered Yang Luhai coldly, “To the Ministry of Rites.”

He wanted to see what that damned Gu Fangzhi was doing.

Gu Fangzhi, meanwhile, had been processing documents all afternoon in the Ministry of Rites.

Sorting paperwork required little thought, like a mule plodding along a field; you just kept your head down and moved forward. Gu Fangzhi was quite used to it by now, and hadn’t even needed to reload a save file all day.

Except for one moment of brain fog when he accidentally wrote the same wrong character twice, but he’d quickly fixed it by reloading.

The work was easy, but he was not at ease.

All afternoon, people had come asking about Emperor Pei Xin spending the previous night at the Gu residence.

Some asked what His Majesty liked to eat, some wanted to know how Gu Fangzhi had persuaded the emperor to stay, others were curious about what they talked about, what they did, whether the emperor had mentioned them.

Their curiosity was insatiable, like they wanted to know even the color of Pei Xin’s underclothes.

Annoyed, Gu Fangzhi threw down his brush, saved his progress, and began spouting nonsense:

“A golden melon seed for His Majesty’s personally signed token, Two for the portrait I drew of His Majesty, Five for the tableware His Majesty has used and been washed, Ten for those that haven’t been washed yet.”

After giving his colleagues a mild crash course in fan-circle economics, Gu Fangzhi watched with great satisfaction as their faces went blank with shock.

In that instant, the “Stan Gu Fangzhi x Pei Xin” fandom achieved mutual recognition.

And then Pei Xin, who had just entered the room, “….”

Why, exactly, was Gu Fangzhi still keeping his used and unwashed tableware?

…Gu Fangzhi couldn’t possibly, really, like him, could he?

Come to think of it, when Gu Fangzhi said “completely golden,” that could mean gold, but it could also describe his dragon robe, couldn’t it?

Sure, Gu Fangzhi was a bit strange and his manners questionable, but occasionally, he was rather interesting.

Still, the two of them were both men…

Pei Xin’s face ran through all shades from red to violet, while Yang Luhai, behind him, broke out in a cold sweat.

Gu Fangzhi was normally sharp. Why, of all times, did he have to say something so blasphemous now??

Just as Yang was about to quietly warn him, the white dog in his arms suddenly threw its head back and began to bark furiously.

Gu Fangzhi: “……?”

Why was there a dog barking?

He followed the sound and turned around, only to see Pei Xin.

…Oh no. The main character had arrived.

But since he’d already saved his progress, Gu Fangzhi stayed calm, raised his hand, and greeted him cheerfully:

“Had your meal yet, Your Majesty?”

Pei Xin: “……”

He truly thought Gu Fangzhi was getting bolder by the day.

The rest of the officials, realizing the emperor had appeared, all turned pale.

Like dumplings dropping into boiling water, they fell to their knees one after another, banging their heads on the floor and begging His Majesty for forgiveness.

Gu Fangzhi had originally wanted to play around a bit longer, but seeing everyone looking ready to evolve backward in terror, he relented and reloaded.

Still, come to think of it, Pei Xin rarely visited the other ministries. Why did he keep coming to the Ministry of Rites lately? To check on the progress of his birthday celebration?

Well, he was bound to be disappointed. Progress so far was at the blank canvas stage of opening Photoshop, or new empty document in Word. The Vice Minister had overturned the previous plan, claiming he had a new idea. Ha!

Time rewound smoothly to just before “Stan Gu Fangzhi” started selling Pei Xin merchandise.

Yang Luhai’s dog stopped barking.

The colleagues stopped trembling.

Sunlight poured in, peaceful, serene.

Gu Fangzhi turned around with feigned surprise.
“Ah, I knew I sensed dragon energy from the east, it was Your Majesty!”

Pei Xin: “……”

What dragon energy? What you felt was my seething wrath.

Everyone in the ministry jumped at Pei Xin’s sudden arrival and knelt in panic.

Minister He Rang of the Ministry of Rites trembled beside Pei Xin.
“Your Majesty, we did not know you were coming, please forgive our failure to greet you from afar.”

Pei Xin said calmly, “It’s fine.”

After all, he’d only come to see what this living disaster was up to.

Gu Fangzhi clearly looked exhausted today. A faint weariness hung over him, even his hair seemed dull.

But Pei Xin wasn’t about to say that out loud.

Instead, he seized on the dog he’d brought from the hunting grounds as an excuse.
“The Emperor- ”

Pei Xin had originally meant to say, The Emperor shall grant this dog to Gu Fangzhi.

But the moment he said the first word, his right eye twitched, then his left.

A bad omen.

If Gu Fangzhi were to raise that dog…

The dog was a mad dog, completely deranged.

It was unbelievably disobedient, and worse yet, it had somehow inherited that monster Gu Fangzhi’s time-rewinding witchcraft.

If the dog tore something apart and Gu Fangzhi cast his spell every single time to rewind it…

Then the one to suffer the most would be him.

Gu Fangzhi absolutely must not be allowed to keep a dog.

But Pei Xin had already spoken halfway through his sentence, and everyone was waiting for him to finish.

…

A cup of tea’s time later, feeling like the biggest fool alive, Pei Xin left the Ministry of Rites in embarrassment.

All the officials watched as the imperial carriage rolled away. Minister He Rang’s face was still filled with confusion.

He grabbed the person closest to him, Song Jingzhou.
“Did His Majesty really come here? Just to show us his dog?”

Song Jingzhou hesitated. “…I… think so?”

Gu Fangzhi’s gaze swept over their puzzled faces.

It must have been that one line, “This is my dog. Take a look.”, that left everyone so deeply bewildered.

But Gu Fangzhi had come to know Pei Xin well by now; he knew that, despite being young, the little emperor wasn’t the sort to flaunt things for show.

His instincts told him Pei Xin had come to the Ministry for another reason.

That whole “come look at my dog” business was probably just the emperor’s roundabout way of venting frustration, no brother to scold, so he scolds the dog instead.

But what exactly had he come for?

Surely not because… he suddenly missed him?

Ha ha.

Gu Fangzhi laughed at his own joke.

The next day.

After finally sorting through all the documents, Gu Fangzhi was once again sent out by He Rang, paired with Song Jingzhou for fieldwork.

He Rang had yet another brilliant idea for His Majesty’s upcoming birthday banquet, and Gu Fangzhi was responsible for making that “brilliance” a reality.

The main requirements, however, remained the same, grand in appearance, minimal in budget.

So Gu Fangzhi went from shop to shop, following the procurement list compiled by his colleagues. Once he found a store, he immediately began to bargain.

Thanks to his ability to save and reload, his haggling was ruthless, if the shopkeeper asked for a string of coins, Gu Fangzhi started from a single copper.

Normally, that would get him thrown out as a troublemaker.

But Gu Fangzhi wasn’t afraid of anything. If it went wrong, he’d just reload. He’d raise his offer one copper at a time until the shopkeeper’s furious glare shifted into one that said, “Is this man insane?” then he’d launch into his emotional persuasion routine:

“This is for the Emperor himself! After this, you can tell everyone that your shop’s goods are fit for the Son of Heaven!”

“Such an honor doesn’t come often, think long term! Steady streams don’t compete to be first, they compete to flow forever!”

“By the way, Boss, you should really throw in some freebies. It’s free advertising for you!”

Song Jingzhou, watching beside him, was thoroughly impressed.

“Brother Xian, you’re amazing…”

Gu Fangzhi replied matter-of-factly, “If His Majesty didn’t insist that we pay, I’d have them deliver everything to the palace for free, and still charge them a string of coins.”

After wandering (and reloading) all afternoon, they finally gathered nearly everything for the birthday banquet.

Gu Fangzhi glanced up at the sky. “Let’s head back.”

He had to supervise Pei Xin’s reading lessons that evening.

An hour earlier, in the Imperial Palace.

Pei Xin was seated at his desk, brush in hand, reviewing memorials.

After countless experiences of his red-ink annotations disappearing because of Gu Fangzhi’s witchcraft, Pei Xin had developed his own countermeasures.

He divided the memorials into three types.

First type: mundane affairs from the court officials,
things like taxes, harvest reports. Important, yes, but not worth lengthy replies.
For these, he simply wrote one word: “Reviewed.” (阅)

Second type: bothersome trivialities,
petty disputes between officials asking him to arbitrate, long-winded memorials worrying about his health, or Grand Tutor Sun once again suggesting he choose a concubine to “enrich the harem.”
For these, he wrote two words: “Not reviewed.” (不阅)

Third type: matters requiring direct response, war updates, foreign movements, military reports.

These he handled carefully, spreading out the writing process.

The more time he spent between strokes, the more “save points” would appear when Gu Fangzhi used witchcraft to rewind time.

So Pei Xin’s current strategy was to write a bit, then read, or take a short walk around the room.

But today was different.

Gu Fangzhi’s magic had been unusually frequent.

Pei Xin paced the study, step by step, followed by the deranged white dog, which gnawed alternately at his boots and any rice paper that fell to the floor.

Suddenly, from outside the door came Yang Luhai’s frantic voice:

“Y-y-y-Your Majesty! G-g-General Qin, Your Majesty, General Qin requests an audience, General Qin- seeks- se- Your Majesty !”

Pei Xin: “……”

What kind of tongue-tied performance was that?

Too lazy to speak, he merely raised his hand like a puppet master’s gesture, signaling Qin Xuan to enter.

Gu Fangzhi’s witchcraft paused for a moment. Qin Xuan strode forward.
“Your servant greets Your Majesty and inquires after Your Majesty’s well-being.”

Pei Xin: “……”

He looked around the room.

At the crazed dog.

At the shredded papers fluttering everywhere.

At himself.

And wondered which of Qin Xuan’s eyes saw him as “well.”